The Releasing of the Self - A Process

Animals Are Treated As a Commodity

2011-08-30T19:57:00.000-07:00

Every time I listen to the rural report on the radio, talking about the prices of lambs/sheep or pork, talking about the animals like they are just kilos of meat to make money off, man that gets me angry. It is like they are just bits of meat and nothing more. They don't even recognize that these are beings that experience and express just like any other animal, and just like humans do, and that breathe life - that they are absolutely innocent, and because of this they ought to be loved, cared for and looked after as life, as we should look after all beings as who we are HERE. This is a dangerous world for animals as at every turn there are humans out to use and exploit them in some way, within the mindset that somehow beings are worth less if they are not human beings. They are perceived to be dumb and less than by humans, only because they don't understand their equality with the animals. There is no awareness and no intimacy with them, no being here with them as breath and within that understanding that the animals are in their expression, they DO MATTER, they DO have value, and so instead of being used and pushed around, beaten, kicked, cast off to the slaughterhouse, etc., they should be left alone, with it being illegal for humans to come in and think that they can do what they want to them. People who don't give a shit about farm animals ought to NEVER be allowed to lay a finger on them. They should have absolutely no right in any way whatsoever. We charge people for abusing pets, so why not make the entire factory farm system illegal? In the United States they are attempting to make it illegal for people to gain access into the factory farms to see what is going on in there. Imagine then the extreme abuse that is taking place every single day, or RIGHT NOW. All of these farmers who make money from animals and think that there is no problem with it, would they spend even one minute within the shoes of these animals? No. But thanks to the shitty system that we have allowed, people need to make money to be able to survive. People's livelihood actually depends on the exploitation of animals - they depend on it to survive. How fucked up is that?

When I was in New Zealand, I was living in a farming community near the town Masterton. A few times we went to the yard sales to buy just-born new calves, and to see how much cattle were selling for. The animals were crowded in tiny little pens - calves, young bulls, and sheep mostly. Something like seven calves crammed in a little pen - calves that were only days old, taken away from their mother, selling for sometimes as low as five dollars. I heard that some people buy them just to kill them for 'dog tucker'. The people crowd around them, looking at them blankly and indifferently with no concern, the auctioneer taking bids and selling them to anyone who will pay the most. The impression I got was that these people are dealing with animals in which they perceive to have no value as a life - they are just a thing to do what you will with. Doesn't matter if they are harmed. But it is just the opposite - the human mind as these people are the dumb, lifeless, robotic things that have no value. To not recognize life, then to perceive and treat that life like a piece of garbage, like nothing, reflects the real nature of the human mind which attempts to project this truth onto other beings such as the animals. Its perception of other beings reflects the actual truth about itself. It is the mind that is a dumb, worthless thing with no life, that deserves no consideration or care - not the animals. Why on Earth is it allowed for these animals to be at the mercy of these people? They shouldn't be allowed anywhere near them. Extreme abuse is the result of this absolute carelessness.

With the sheep, crowded tightly within pens even more than the calves, there were all of these old farmers surrounding them, talking, and around a particular sheep someone asked something like: "What would you do with it?" and one old guy just said "Shoot it," as a joke, and the people around him laughed. This careless, brutal attitude towards animals is absolutely unacceptable. They are a danger to other lives so they ought to be locked up. Unfortunately this normal behaviour with traditional, old-fashioned farmers.

Does the human being really have to exist as something that harms and fucks up EVERYTHING wherever it goes? Wherever it is, it causes problems in some way or another, at the moment. This is the fucking mind, or ego, that seems to think that everything is about it and its own 'happiness', that is incapable of really considering other beings, that is indifferent to harm and abuse, that believes that it is OK to exploit life to make money to feed self-interest, regardless of the suffering this causes. It's time to really change, because this is really fucking disgusting and atrocious, and there is no place for it in this world. The point is that we don't NEED to even exist in this way, as a self-interest robot mind-ego that believes that everything is about IT, that doesn't even recognize or value life, but instead looks at beings such as the animals as just things to use and do what you will with - this is absolutely disgusting and disgraceful - there is just no point in this thing existing. It actually needs to be eradicated from existence in all ways. It has no value and it has no meaning. Instead we can start to live as LIFE. I can see that within this, the question arises of what is the need of ego? What is the point? We can exist without it - all of this time we have been able to live completely without it, and just be here as LIFE. We never needed to be this separate identity that doesn't care about anything else, that abuses animals and everything else. But we have become so brainwashed that the illusory life we lead as a mind seems to be just 'the way things are.' If we start to ask questions like "Who am I really?" and seriously get to the bottom of the matter, and start to understand that the answer is life within and as breath, then we can stop existing as these fucking personality bubbles like the old-fashioned abusive farmer, that harms everything and doesn't give a shit about anything, because we would understand that we can just be here as life, and there is no point to this fucking ego even existing in the first place. Then all would see the value of animals as life, who are in their expression, and that by harming them you are harming innocence itself. No different than harming a child - absolutely UNACCEPTABLE. Get everyone to understand and live that fully, and stop the illusions, and we have a new world.

So there is the need to get people educated, and the need to get these people to start questioning things, like why do you think that it is OK to treat animals like this? Can't you put yourself in their position and understand that this treatment is unacceptable? Why is this allowed to exist? Why is this not illegal? Maybe everyone who does not care about what animals are put through should be put through the same things, to see what it is like, to wake up to themselves. Animals are NOT a commodity - they are life, they are aware, they are our equals as life. They're not just things wandering around, there to be used and exploited. They never did anything to harm anyone, yet what I have seen and read about what is done to farm animals in particular is so atrocious and shocking it is beyond belief. Not ONE HUMAN BEING who condones the existence of such brutality would EVER elect to put themselves in the SAME POSITION. So it's time for all to wake the fuck up - let's wake up, NEVER allow ignorance ever again, see the urgency in which this needs to be sorted out, and let's just do what needs to be done!!! If not, if you still don't care, then fuck off. Leave this planet. Why should life support you?

We need to implement the Equal Money System, so that people do not have to depend on abusing, and supporting an abusive system, just in order to survive. The whole system within the factory farms is kept together as the workers are so afraid of losing their jobs that they do not raise their voice about inhumane treatment that they may be a witness to. Workers and inspectors are simply told that they will just be replaced by someone else if they complain, and so they don't, as these people rely on their job in order to SURVIVE. So the equal money system is a very important step in removing animal abuse in this world, as people will have enough money from birth to death, and would not have to depend on working in the slaughterhouse just in order to survive. Eventually we will be able to shut down this industry. It will mean people will have to eat much less meat, but back before the factory farms even existed, meat was actually a rarity. Many of us DO require it, but not nearly as much as we eat currently.

So, equal money system, purify self from mind/ego in ALL WAYS, stand as life, get everyone to start questioning their life and values - these are the solutions.

www.desteni.co.za
http://equalmoney.org/
http://desteni.org/dip/

The Simple Central Point in the Matter of Standing Up

2011-08-21T20:44:00.000-07:00

The simple point within this process of letting go of all ego and stopping the mind, no matter what it is, no matter how dearly I find myself wanting to hold on to some aspects of it, is the point that the abuse and suffering in this world is unacceptable, and part of what I have to do to be able to solve the problems here is let go of all mind and/or ego, and to unconditionally assist and support others to do the same. The mind allows for polarity to exist, and by allowing it we support all other minds to remain within its programming, which equals abuse in all ways and forms in our world. The animal abuser, child abuser, war monger, etc, is within a particular mindset, thanks to our dear programmers of existence, and the abusers' own complicity. I don't know exactly how it works, but it is common sense that by allowing the mind within ourselves, we support it throughout all of existence, and that is unacceptable.

I don't think that doing this, and stopping and letting go, is as difficult as I have imagined it to be in the past. Some desires I have found difficulty in letting go of, especially in regards to women, like wanting women to like me and think that I am great, lol. Not that that has happened because I have not met many for a while, and I have been moving around too often, never settled in the one town or city for very long. But I always remind myself that the point is that the suffering in this world is unacceptable, and so it is required of me to let go of these desires instead of following them; that I have to let go and come to the understanding that I never really needed what I thought I did within desire, as life as who I am seems to be all that is needed. No matter how much we may cling to a certain point, believing that we need it for some reason or another, with a little patience, will, and the actual action of breathing, pushing ourselves, and letting go, we can prove to ourselves that we never needed this or that point in which for so long we may have been desperately clinging onto. I have proven that with some points and I would like to do it with ALL points of ego, and finally push myself to do what I am absolutely certain that I CAN do, which is let go of all ego. I can see that I can do without all of it, so I am going for it now.

So, the point to remember is that ending the suffering in this world endured by billions of humans and animals, and all lifeforms, is far more important than ANYTHING of the ego, and that it is possible to live without an ego identity/personality, just as awareness as life.

Thanks.

Why Not Campaign to Stop Alcohol Consumption?

2011-06-16T20:17:00.000-07:00

On television in Australia there are many advertisements strongly denouncing the smoking of cigarettes, where it will show a woman for example who has had her mother die from cancer caused by smoking, and she is in an emotional state of sadness, but defiance due to her intention to not go down that road herself. It is always in the news. By 2012 in Australia, all cigarette cases will be plain in packaging, with the brand name only able to be printed in a specific style, and coloured logos and imagery to be removed, in a bid to reduce smoking rates. The graphic pictures depicting the potential dangers of smoking will remain.

Yet I have not seen any incentive in Australia to get people to reduce or stop their consumption of alcohol. Instead, we see alcohol being promoted heavily; on television advertisements showing everyone having a good time, in Rugby League football, where in the State of Origin matches between New South Wales and Queensland BOTH teams are sponsored by beer companies, and simply in the way that alcohol is portrayed as being a normal everyday part of life, as something that you apparently need to be able to 'let go', 'relax', and 'enjoy yourself.' It is unusual that alcohol has not been under the microscope at all in this country when every day there are stories of horrific car accidents caused by a person under the influence of alcohol, or there are actual murders committed by a person or persons under the influence of alcohol, where every day there is violence in the home where alcohol has been a factor wherein children are harmed, there is an increase in pub fights amongst men here in Australia, and the list goes on. It is strange that a substance that is shown to bring out the hidden, dangerous and violent demons within man, which actually result in harming other people and children on a daily basis around the world, is an accepted normal part of life in our society - something that we have come to believe that we can't live without - that we can't enjoy ourselves or relax without. Which is absolutely ridiculous.

Alcohol only makes the human more dangerous and destructive by bringing out the hidden suppressions of anger and dissatisfactions with one's life and their position in life. It allows the hidden backchat to take full control and possess the being, and this we can see by numerous examples shown in news stories around the world every day - a teacher in Sweden was brutally murdered by three young men who, after drinking at a bar, arrived at the teachers' apartment and proceeded to kick him in the stomach after he opened the door, then they stabbed him 26 times, recording the whole event on their cellphone. Recently, there was a 17 1/2 year old girl who had her license for two weeks; one day she drove under the influence of alcohol and killed three people. There was a television show last night about real court cases, and it was of a man who, during a heated argument with his girlfriend and with both under the influence of a lot of alcohol, lashed out at his girlfriend with a knife and slashed her throat, leaving her to bleed to death. His defense was that he was 'not of sound mind at the time.' Would these incidents have occurred if alcohol was not involved? Most probably not. The girl would have had more control of her car. The young men may have thought twice about committing such a stupid act of murdering someone if alcohol had not been a factor. If the man and the woman in the heated argument were not under the influence of alcohol surely it would not have turned out in murder. We see time and time again how alcohol exacerbates the inner demons and violent urges of man which means a a regular joe can become a threat to his fellow man, to children, to society.

WHY are we allowing alcohol then?? We see the damage that it causes. We see that it can and has ruined many people's lives. We see that it can turn regular people into a threat to other lives. Why is this substance allowed? It proves how dangerous the human being is, and how these violent urges exist within each one who has not sorted their issues out with self-forgiveness, breathing, and letting go. The inner demons are that which we must LET GO of, NOT exacerbate, as we can SEE the DAMAGE they cause to the lives of people and animals and to this world in general. Yet alcohol only supports the real evil shit in humanity to flourish. No one lashes out and kills someone when cigarettes are involved. No one crashes their car and kills themselves and others after smoking a cigarette. Yet there is no advertisement on television talking about the dangers of alcohol. That should strike anyone as being very strange and peculiar.

People who consume alcohol usually scoff at those who come out and say things against alcohol because they believe that they can't enjoy themselves without it. This is the severity of the ignorance there is of life and expression, of breath, letting go, and self-forgiveness. Why would you need a substance separate from you to be able to enjoy yourself? Why are you depending on a substance for anything at all? You don't NEED alcohol to enjoy yourself. You don't NEED to exist dependent on it. It isn't necessary, and it is possible to enjoy yourself fully without ever having another drop of alcohol in your life. Let go of the desires and the needs and the wants. Check out www.desteni.co.za, and www.desteniiprocess.com and come to the realization yourself that you don't need alcohol to be fulfilled, society does not need alcohol, and we certainly don't need any more senseless deaths that happen so often as a result of alcohol.

Nothing of the Mind is Worth It

2011-04-27T19:31:00.000-07:00

If there is a point of the mind that I am facing that I resist giving up, I always have to ask myself: "Is it worth it? Is this point worth allowing the mind and so allowing abuse to continue in this world?", and the answer is "No". Nothing of the mind is worth the abuse that it manifests and supports and allows to exist in this world, not one bit. None of it is worth more than life, and the life and safety of a child or an animal, for example. No amount of specialness or uniqueness as ego, or self-interest, or "happiness", or anything of the mind, is worth it if it allows for abuse of any kind. The life of an animal or a child is far more important than my ego or self-interest or desires in all ways. This is the understanding upon which I let go of points of the mind in which I can find myself very stubborn with in the sense that I want to cling onto it. It is just not worth it. So from there I move. I find that this simplifies everything very much.

'Happiness' is Very Limited

2011-03-28T18:03:00.000-07:00

We make 'happiness' and 'contentment' and 'getting what we want' in our lives the main focus, and for most of us we stop there, and that's it. As long as I am comfortable and happy, that is all that matters. That seems to be the basic function of the human mind, seeing itself as just this one point as itself as what we define ourselves to be 'who I am', and with that is the belief that "I only need to worry about myself", and "the problems of the world have nothing to do with me." We have come to the point of believing that the ultimate purpose for our lives is to fulfill our desire to be 'happy' and we stop there. This is the huge limitation of the human mind, and the atrocity of it also, because in this we have become self-contained and separate from reality, so cut off that we are not even aware of what exists here - no matter that billions of beings are suffering, we don't feel a thing because we are too busy trying to make our lives work to be 'happy', and together with that, survive. "Self-interest" as searching for personal happiness by following our desires is now the directive principle of most of us. It has become our focus, to the point that we have largely forgotten about everything else - in our preoccupation with self-interest and the mind, we have forgotten about life, we have forgotten about the starving, we have forgotten about the plight of the animals, we have forgotten about the raped - to the point that most of us do not understand the problem here on earth, we do not understand the reality of what billions must endure - to the point that we have become indifferent and ignorant to suffering, not feeling a thing, not even aware. This is primarily the problem we have in existence - we are too busy with self-interest to notice anything else - all of this time we could have focused instead on living real solutions to what is here. So here I am going to challenge 'self-interest' and 'happiness' and all other points that directly comes from the belief that we are here to live for our ego's desires and that is it.

Happiness is actually a very limited experience, because it is completely limited to one's own mind. It is limited to the ideas we have of ourselves, which is limitation in itself. It seems strange to me that we would live for this huge limitation, when we do not need to exist limited at all by anything. Happiness IS limitation. Maybe people live like this because they don't know of what else to do, or what else is possible? Yet there is the assumption that humanity knows where it's going, that personal 'happiness' as fulfilling self-interest and living as if there is nothing else in the world is the ultimate point to live for in this world - otherwise we would not do this so automatically, and live it like it is our creed and code. This assumption/belief must be dropped, because there is so much more to explore in ourselves as self and life, and in existence itself, than what we have been living as in the mode of 'self-interest' and the 'search for happiness'. Both self-interest and 'happiness' is not even necessary, really. This way of life must be dropped also because our focus must be shifted to that of the physical existence and what is here, to see the problems that are existent, and with that dedicate ourselves to finding solutions within standing up for life itself, as ourselves, and in STOPPING the mind and self-interest, as that is the cause of so much abuse here. We must see how ridiculous it is, to be so preoccupied with finding happiness and being so consumed by self-interest and desire, so cut off from reality that we do not even feel ANYTHING but INDIFFERENCE while billions suffer and are abused - we can use our time here to make an actual real difference, and AT THE SAME TIME live free and fully expressive as life as who I am, and in that understanding that THIS is living, this is what I am here to be and live and express, THIS is self-enjoyment, this is self-expression - no self-interest or 'happiness' necessary. This is the ultimate change needed within each and every single human being - to stop 'happiness' and self-interest, 'living' in a mind containment, not giving a shit about anything else, to broadening our horizons and noticing that there is life beyond the mind and beyond our ideas of ourselves, and that there is a real world here with real beings that are in real trouble and need a real solution - a solution that will not come as long as we are busy in our mind realities, thinking that all I need to do is be happy and that is it, living as if nothing else exists, feeling 'happy' and 'content' in a world where children are abused and starve, where animals are brutalized, completely ineffectual in making a real change, and then we defend and cling onto the way we are - I mean how fucked up is that. But that is how we have lived. It is unacceptable. It is also delusional, to be so cut off from reality, to be so unaware. This is not to say that we must be miserable and depressed instead, because that is also ineffectual in bringing about actual change. Rather we must live in every moment of breath, here as life, standing fully as the solution to end all abuse, and taking all of the necessary steps to make this a reality. Living fully and in complete self-expression, in complete standing for the end of all abuse, knowing that anything is possible in life/existence. Support an equal money system (www.equalmoney.org), come to www.desteni.co.za, and together we will live the solution to animal abuse, war, child rape, etc, ultimately, though obviously it will take time. The faster we all change our focus from being a self-interest/happiness robot defined and possessed by ego, to being fully dedicated to living the solution to what is here, the faster we will be able to end the atrocities that are here. I am sick and tired of what is here as animal abuse and child abuse and war - it all must end, so let's stand together to live the real solution to actually bring it to an end, no matter what.

Thanks.

Understanding Suffering, Pain, Abuse

2010-11-08T16:18:00.000-08:00

The simple fact and reason that there is so much abuse in the world that is allowed and continues to exist, is because those who have the opportunity to do something about it simply do not understand the reality of pain/suffering/abuse. If each one of us understood fully what is actually going on in this world and the agony billions exist in each and every single moment, there would be no hesitation to stand up COMPLETELY as life and do everything necessary to have this abuse end for good. Each one of us would push to stop all thought, personality, self-interest, excuses and justifications.
People live the way that they do - living as if suffering does not exist - because they exist within the design/delusion of self-interest and have done so for most of their lives. We have been raised to be self-interest consumed individuals - we have identified ourselves AS the self-interest system, AS the personality, AS thoughts, AS emotions - when this is actually the mind of man which is a self-interest machine and does not actually have the capacity and ability to consider all life, to understand what suffering actually is.
Pushing ourselves to face this world, to face the abuse head on, to really look and walk with the beings to understand what they are going through, what the animals are going through in the factory farms, what the child being raped in Africa is going through, what war is actually like beyond the censorship of the news on television - this I have found is the key to really actually standing up, making a real difference in this world, fully caring, breaking the spell/cage of self-interest, and living free. In this we finally stop living as a delusion - the delusion of self-interest where we live day in day out unaware of reality, thinking that nothing else but my life exists, thinking that we actually know who we are and pointing to our mind/personality/thoughts to say that this is 'me' - this IS delusional.
Anyone who justifies abuse in this world has no understanding of what the experience of torturous pain and suffering actually is. If they DID, they would not ever allow any form of abuse again. We really have no idea at all. We see a TV ad from World Vision of children in a poor country and that is all most of us ever allow ourselves to see - we have no real understanding of what they experience. If we DID, if we all did, we would fucking do everything we can to end it once and for all. I hear stories of children being raped in South Africa - every three minutes I have read, and even BABIES - I heard something once about a month old child being raped! What are our priorities? What could be a higher priority than to have this end? If we DO have higher priorities based on self-interest and desires, or the desire to be special and noticed, which is a HUGE point that all of us are or have been tangled up in before, then we really need to stop and look at this properly for a moment, because we are not understanding the severity of the abuse that exists in this world. A baby being raped - this is real, this happens in the world.

Let's forget about all kinds of mind desires and pursuits and focus fully on ending this kind of abuse - this is to be my only focus beyond all else, beyond wanting a woman or following tracks of thought and mind pursuits believing that this is me as "David" wanting to go somewhere and do this and travel there and do that, and eat that food and watch that movie - when I'm only being used by my mind without realizing it, because I have defined myself according to these designs. Let's understand the reality of what is actually going on here and stop hiding in the mind world of personality, where only the beings immediate world seems to matter or even exist, because that isn't real. I have had so much trouble in the past, clinging onto desires in one form or another. I need to let go of all of this, both in the realization of the bottom line - what I am actually existing to do, which is to END abuse and live free - and also in the understanding that I do not actually need what I desire, which I have not fully allowed myself to realize yet; that life fills in all gaps and any kind of lack or emptiness. Sometimes it seems impossible to give up deeply rooted desires but I know that if I really push myself to do this full out I'll be fine.

Thanks.

I Have Had Enough of Fear

2010-10-28T20:09:00.000-07:00

Before I left the library yesterday to go shopping with my Mum and her partner Tony, I was writing this:

"I am sick and tired of how influenced by fear I am when I am around Tony. I fear being myself, I hold back within myself, I feel intimidated, I feel that I need to back down, I feel that I need to submit, I feel like I am less than him, I feel afraid of asserting myself and simply being myself in expression around him, all in fear that he will put me down in some way, or tell me how it is dumb of me to stand up and live the change in this world, in fear that he will talk down to me and say how this is how the world is and it will always be like that - there will always be abuse, it's just how things are."

About five minutes later I walked to our car in the street and he blows up at me over not sorting out my phone things that I was going to do yesterday but then realized that it is not so urgent at the moment (I needed to sort out my mobile phone in order to be able to call from our Farm at a certain time these people who I am buying a Van from). He went on and on trying to put me down, belittling me, saying that I never have my head screwed on, saying that I don't think enough and plan ahead, and on and on and on. He raised his fist ready to punch me like he always does when he is pissed off with me, saying he could wipe me out with one punch. I finally spoke up and stood up to him without fear and told him to fuck off, yelling myself, just fucking fed up with how I have always feared him, always felt intimidated, fed up with how he tries to dominate me and believe himself to be superior, having had enough of never feeling comfortable with being myself in my expression around him without him having a go at me because I am not what he expects a man to be - then I realized that a lot of my fear of him left me. A lot of fear of not being liked and accepted by people left me.
But on and on he goes, saying that he does not like me, saying that most people don't like me, saying that I am pathetic, not understanding the struggles I have been going through in terms of pushing myself to stop self-interest, figuring out how to direct myself, figuring out who I actually AM in my expression, instead of existing as the personality of "David" and speaking and interacting as that, that which I have always believed to be "me", figuring out how to be myself around people like him and my Mum when for all of my life with Mum, and almost half of my life with Tony, all I have ever BEEN has been this personality - I have to find my way into speaking as ME HERE without fear. I can get so caught up in the automatic personalities that I have allowed myself to become when in their presence. I have to push moment by moment to be here in my expression and direct myself, and figure out who the fuck I actually am. But sometimes I give up, sometimes I do get caught within bouts of depression and confusion at times, where I can experience myself as not knowing what the fuck to do, and sometimes I slip back into personality and self-interest. I fuck up, I can hesitate in uncertainty in fear, sometimes I go into a depression, sometimes I want nothing more than to just disappear to a remote, desolate place in New Zealand so I don't have to talk to anyone for a while, so I can work myself out without having to be this and that for people, without having to talk to others when I simply don't want to talk, without being judged all of the time. I can seem distant at times because I get preoccupied with these fucking conflicts within myself, mostly when I allow fear and self-interest to get the better of me. It all gets too much for me at times. He doesn't understand what the fuck I am having to face, and what I am actually doing. It can be confusing stopping the mind and all ideas of who I am based on personality, when for so long I have believed myself to be this, just as he believes himself to be who he thinks he is. His whole life he has never questioned anything, and always makes excuses as to why abuse exists, and why it is just the way it is, and that there will ALWAYS be some kind of abuse - I mean here is this big, physically strong guy who feels the need to impose his views of the world upon everyone else, and he's arrogant, intimidating and he can be aggressive... I have always felt anxiety around him. But I realized that I have to be myself no matter what, I can't be what he thinks a man should be, I can't fear him anymore, I can't give a shit about what he says and what he thinks. I have to be myself without fear. I HAVE to BE MYSELF WITHOUT FEAR. No matter who I am with, no matter what the situation, no matter who judges and attacks me, no matter even if everyone in this country hates me. I am standing up for/as life and I see that I don't require the acceptance of people. I don't need to be what people want me to be. I don't need others to 'think good' of me, something Tony is very concerned about - he says that a lot of people don't like me. I don't have the time for that, I don't care - I am only focused on standing for/as life and facing the shit here in this world, ridding myself of self-interest and ego, stopping thoughts, stopping energy, stopping all of the bullshit, transcending fears, pushing myself to FULLY CARE FOR ALL LIFE, facing the atrocities in this world, to stand up fully for the animals, the children, the people starving in this world, to understand what they are going through, to understand that I must go full out in standing up and that there can be no half measures, no uncertainty, no FEAR. THIS has been my focus - not finding friends, not making sure that I am accepted by others, not concerned about what people think - I'm not interested in those things. I am so sick and tired of someone pressuring me to be just like they are, to being what they believe a man should be.

Currently I am pushing myself to face the most hideous abuse in this world that I have refrained from doing in fear. I have trapped myself too often in fear in some way or another. It is kind of embarrassing and humiliating that I have fucked around in fear for too long now, and I only see this once I face the fear and realized that I was wasting my time in it, that it does not make a difference, and in the end my allowance of it only brings a constriction and discomfort within me. I am pushing myself to stand completely and absolutely for/as life with no hesitation, no uncertainty, no fear.

Fear of Pain

2010-10-20T18:01:00.000-07:00

There are some points in this world that I can look at and wonder, 'How on earth do I face this?' It is like hell right here on Earth. I read about what happens on the factory farms and the abuse that is done upon animals and it is absolutely shocking - it shocks me so much. I have heard accounts talking about pigs being cooked alive, being thrown head-first into walls and half their head is cracked open and they are still running around. I have seen a video of a man gouging out the eyes of a pig. I have seen a video of a man - a supervisor in fact - kicking a pig 13 times, just laying into the pig for no reason at all. I have seen a pig that has had toxic blue paint squirted up its nose and the pig is laying there slowly dying. I have seen a man slam runt piglets head first into the concrete floor in a pathetic, careless attempt to kill them; afterward it showed the piglets piled into a plastic bag and most of them are still breathing, just suffering to their death. I've seen them beaten with metal pipes and rods. It gets more and more worse even than this.

And we cling onto our self-interest, and we live as if none of this is happening? We fall in love or sit back and watch TV and enjoy sex and money while these things exist?

I just looked at a link Ann posted on Facebook, showing a dog in Spain that had been hung deliberately in a way to make the death long and agonizing. I have seen this done in videos of dog abuse in China, I have read about it done in Australia also, and it is probably done in just about every other country also.

I remember reading a story about how a man here in New Zealand tied a rope around a goat's neck, tied the other end of the rope onto the back of his ute, then drove off dragging the goat along the gravel which must have been absolutely agonizing.

I have seen videos of sheep transported from Australia to the Middle East, where they are tied up, kicked, beaten, left in the hot sun with a woolly coat and no water, then slaughtered mercilessly with absolutely no care whatsoever.

We have to face all of this head on, give up our self-interest, stop hiding, and do everything that is necessary to be done in order to stop this. Fear of pain or no fear of pain, whether it fucking freaks me out or not, I have to fully face all of this also. I don't want this shit to exist anymore.

The Abuse in this World

2010-08-11T20:34:00.000-07:00

There is a tendency within me, and within most other people, to not want to see the abuse in this world. But I do it anyway - what other option is there than to not look but at the same time allow it to exist? We have become beings who have literally turned our backs on the World, and allowed ourselves to have our self-interest be our main focus in our lives, instead of seeing that there are billions of beings in trouble, who require you and me to work towards real, practical solutions, to end this suffering once and for all. The focus must shift from self-interest to acting in the interest of SELF, as Life, which is all beings. This is the radical shift that needs to take place within each person.

The abuse that I see in this world can knock me out and stun me completely, leaving me numb. For example, I am about to watch a video of baby calves being skinned alive by some men. I find myself wanting to hide away from these atrocities at times; wanting to hide in fear and self-interest and not want to see. Fear of pain, mostly. That is the biggest fear I have, obviously.
But then I realize that within this, all that I am doing is allowing it to continue, which is completely, absolutely unacceptable, and I see this. When I go into the mode of self-interest, I also have great shame, because in that I have given into fear - I have compromised myself, I have reduced myself to limited energetic patterns of mind, and with all of this I go into a kind of depression and self-loathing. Self-loathing because in that fall into self-interest is the allowance for abuse to continue, and this is worse than facing the abuse here in this World head-on, no matter how fucked up it is, no matter how much it shocks me to the bone. I lose all self-respect and pride in my expression - all I become is a fearful, wretched thing that hides away, and does not stand. This is why courage is so important, especially in times of wanting to just shut it all out. If I do that then it will all simply continue - nothing will change, the abuse will not stop. I have to keep facing this world and not give in to anything. Not self-interest, not fear, not anything. I have to work through the shock I experience, and not use that as an excuse to hide away and "not want anything to do with it''. I am ashamed of myself for ever allowing that excuse, for allowing myself to want to shut it away, and thus allow it to continue all the same. This is not valid - it is grossly unacceptable. I have to stand regardless. I have to face this world regardless of anything, because I don't want animals and children to continue to be treated, and live, the way many do currently. It makes me sick; I can't live free if I allow this for even a moment. Facing it is hard, but it is harder to hide away, ultimately. It tears me apart the way animals are treated in this world. Self-interest is not an option.

Self-interest, it turns out, is basically the same as negligence. It is criminal. Not wanting to face this world, allowing it to continue the way it is, and the desire to look the other way, is pure cruelty - to do nothing while so many are in trouble and need assistance - they need you and me to stop our dishonesty and stand for life in all ways. If this is not done, then this is the same coldness in action that is within the murderer, or animal abuser, or rapist. It is no different. It is the same lack of care. I have proven to myself that I do actually care to the point that I can give up everything of myself in this care. I refrain most of all, though, out of pure shock as a reaction to this world - complete shock of what is here, which turns into a numbness within me. I will have to find a way to work through this, instead of wanting to shut it all out and live in self-interest in an attempt to hide. It just freaks me out, but that is no excuse to revert to hiding in any way, not wanting to see. Really unacceptable.